Stop Making To-Do Lists

Start making appointments

A patient came to see me recently feeling paralyzed by her to-do list. Every time she looked at it, she felt overwhelmed by the sheer volume of tasks staring back at her. My advice was to throw out the list entirely and instead to treat every task like an appointment. When something needs doing, don’t add it to a list; decide exactly when and where you’ll do it, and put it in your calendar. And, better yet, involve someone else.

For example, she needed to photograph some furniture she wanted to sell and post it on Facebook Marketplace. It seemed simple, but it had been sitting undone for weeks, and as her new furniture began to arrive, her apartment became cluttered with duplicate dressers and chairs. I suggested she invite a friend over after work that evening, treat her to dinner, and tackle it together.

She looked at me confused. “Why would I ask someone to help with something so easy?”

“You can do it alone,” I said. “But you don’t. Your friend won’t let you put this off for another week.”

This is advice I find myself giving often. Need to return shoes at Bloomingdales? Schedule lunch and shopping with a friend. Want to work out more? Find a workout buddy, sign up for a class, or, if you can swing it, hire a trainer.

The benefits are threefold. First, this approach clears mental clutter. Once you know exactly when you’ll handle something, you can focus on what’s in front of you right now without that nagging feeling of everything else you could or should be doing. And you’re no longer staring down an endless to-do list wondering where to even begin.

Second, there’s accountability. There’s social pressure in showing up for someone else. And, with something like an exercise class or a trainer, there’s financial pressure, too; you’re not just skipping a workout, you’re wasting money. These external forces tend to be more motivating than sheer willpower alone.

Third, and perhaps most importantly, doing tasks with others makes them more fun. You’re not just doing chores if you’re also spending time with a friend. And you’re less likely to avoid tasks when you have a reason to look forward to doing them.

It’s a real bummer to feel paralyzed when you want to feel productive. An appointment in your calendar, especially one involving another person, is a commitment. And commitments, unlike intentions, have a way of actually happening.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

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I’m so jealous of people who haven’t watched Schitt’s Creek yet because I’m in a real TV drought and wish I could start over and see it for the first time now.